“A great numb feeling washes over me as I let go of the past and look forward to the future. Pretend to be a vampire. I don’t really need to pretend, because it’s who I am, an emotional vampire. I’ve just come to expect it. Vampires are real. That I was born this way. That I feed off of other people’s real emotions. Search for this night’s prey. Who will it be?”

That’s the great monologue that introduces Sean Bateman, the central character in the grievously under-appreciated adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis’ The Rules of Attraction.  Turns out March 8th is James Van Der Beek’s birthday, which provides a convenient excuse to embed videos celebrating one of the best movies ever made.

Sadly, it seems the few people who’ve actually produced exceptional Rules of Attraction videos have globally opted to disable embedding. Godless fuckheads. Ah well, this one is a beautifully edited compilation set to Portishead’s Magic Doors. This yields the only thing missing from Roger Avary’s film – an appearance by Sean’s older brother. And finally, this one offers an abbreviated, yet still dope, version of the same American Psycho crossover.

I defy you to watch that clip from Quall of Duty: Streets of San Diego and tell me it doesn’t look better than Brooklyn’s Finest. Not being facetious, I bet that 3 minute clip turns out to be more entertaining than Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time in it’s entirety.

Last weekend, the transcendentally brilliant first episode of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! season Cinco premiered with depressingly little promotion. It’s available now on Adultswim.com, and highly recommended. The second episode of season 5 airs tonight.

Almost as dope…Tim and Eric turning up on Junior Christian Teaching Bible Lesson Program, David Liebe Hart’s long-running public access series. Suffice to say, you will learn alot about how to be a good Christian.

I’m not embarrased to admit Batman Returns just might be my favorite movie of all time, despite the ire such a statement seems to draw in mixed company. It’s crammed full of fascinating characters, it features Danny Elfman’s strongest score and an impeccably placed track by proto-goths Siouxsie and the Banshees, and in terms of visuals it’s peerlessly distinctive. It’s so consummately artificial and otherworldly, in the best possible way. I’ve watched it dozens and dozens (hundreds?) of times, and have yet to become bored by it.

While I hope with all my heart that Tim Burton has another Batman Returns in him, but sadly Alice in Wonderland isn’t it. I want to see it again, just to make sure, but despite some staggering visuals, Alice ultimately falls short of the incomparable, anarchic awesomeness of masterworks like Mars Attacks!, Beetlejuice, and Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure.

Read more on “Alice in Wonderland semi-review/cosplay” »

So after posting some of his colossally dope alternate universe movie posters, i traded emails with Sean Hartter. Turns out he’s not just a gifted artist, he’s quite a good guy. I suggested he do something with Marlon Brando as Lex, and a day or so later I got the image embedded above in my inbox…

That’s just sublime. I’d been praying for awhile for Hot Toys to do an Apocalypse Now Col. Kurtz action figure, so I could throw him in a sweet suit, and have my dream Lex (I think Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean first suggested this in their exceptional Black Orchid mini…and no disrespect to Gene Hackman or Michael Rosenbaum, but it’s perfect.) This poster is even better though, as I never would’ve come up with Mickey Rourke as Superman. Can you imagine the collateral carnage when shit goes down between these two? John Millius is a great call as director, as the streets of Metropolis would look just like that cauldron of body parts in Conan.

I’m printing this, laminating it, and keeping it on me. If i get hit by a car or shot or something, i’ll want to have it handy, so i can check out while concentrating on something incomparably brilliant.

Saw Dan Black last night at the ever-so-intimate Spaceland. Turns out he’s pretty spectacular live. He also looks like the offspring of Matthew Goode and David Byrne, which doesn’t hurt.

Matthew Wardenaar captured the gorgeous image above, in addition to the astoundingly dope video below. It’s almost better than being there.

Almost, except you probably can’t walk 50 feet from an embedded video to get to a 7-11, and a pretty good thai place, but you can at Spaceland.

Pics that’ve been sitting on my laptop for awhile…brother’s girlfriend Claire dressed up as the DC Comics supervillain Amazo,  the android/synthetic lifeform capable of replicating all the powers of the Justice League. This is based on Amazo’s (admittedly stupid) comic book look, and not his Dr. Manhattan-esque appearance on the late, great Justice League Unlimited.

I’ve never understood if he’s supposed to be wearing a helmet, or if that’s his robot red hair, but cosplay options are somewhat limited for the gingers, s0 we went for it. Also, everyone loves when you switch the gender of an established villain to make them ever so much more ultramod, yeah?  *crickets*

More pics after the jump.

Read more on “This is stupid! Amazo doesn’t have boobs…” »

I saw Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths early, probably the same way most of you did: illegally. But I’ll still be buying the blu-ray today, as it’s all kinds of dope, it’s exactly the kind of stuff DC / Warner Premiere should be turning out, and as a good fangirl, i feel kind of obliged to financially support the kind of content I want to see more of. Otherwise, how do you expect to get more?

So yeah, it is kind of sad that’s the state of the old home entertainment distribution model; it’s devolved into the equivalent of the PBS pledge-drive…but if that doesn’t motivate you to part with your moneys, there’s also the Best Buy exclusive pack in Owlman psuedo action figure (he’s got limited articulation, but it’s the closest thing to an actual toy we may ever get from this movie, or of JLA: Earth Two, the Frank Quitely/Grant Morrison comic it’s semi-based on.)

*EDIT* just opened it…looks good, but he’s tiny (significantly smaller than DC’s Infinite Heroes, and perma-mounted to a base…kinda bleh, but far better than nothing.) Upside is they’re doing what appears to be an honest to god, 3.75″, base-free, proper Jason Todd/Red Hood action figure for the upcoming release of Batman Under the Red Hood. Making it two fucking awesome characters in a row that make their plastic debut as Best Buy promo exclusives, as Mattel and DC Direct apparently can’t be assed to make them.

Patiently waiting for the day when you can torrent action figures via rapid prototyping plastic printers.

I never need to take hallucinogens ever again. No drug-powered visions could possibly compete with the image above, an alternate universe movie poster for The Batman of Gotham City, starring David Bowie as The Joker(!!), and Christopher Walken as Batman(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

And it’s rated X. There are no words…

And as fucking incomparable the idea of Walken and Bowie in a Batman movie written by William S. Burroghs may seem at first(to me, at least), James Coburn as Bullseye going up against William Shatner as Matt Murdoch comes surprisingly close to being equally god-awesome.

Sean Hartter’s art posters seem to posit a parallel universe, where modern film trends emerged decades early. A cinematic “What if?“, where the superhero renaissance and slasher movies bled backwards through time.

Do check his site out, and prepare to ponder the hemorrhagicly dope possibilities of an Alfred Hitchcock directed Halloween, with Robert Mitchum playing Michael Meyers.

Even without access to the internet, Matthew Goode has been made aware of the internet nerd hate for his portrayal of Adrian Veidt / Ozymandias in last year’s Watchmen movie, and has issued something of an apology.

“There were many reasons I shouldn’t have been cast in that film and I think people were quite pissed off. I’m lucky I don’t own a computer…”

I guess you really can play the smartest man in the world, without necessarily being one. This would be heartbreaking if it wasn’t so stupid. Yeah,  Watchmen didn’t exactly connect with mass audiences on the scale many (myself included) predicted, and yes, there was much vitriol aimed directly at Goode for character choices (the accent, in particular), and his physique…but it was far from overwhelming. Watchmen couldn’t work onscreen without a capable actor portraying Veidt, his actions drive the story. And yet the film turned up on over a hundred best of 2009 top 10 lists, I’ve actually seen it on some 10 best of the decade lists, and the preeminent film connoisseur of the day, Roger Ebert, gave the movie his 4 star highest rating.

IMHO, the Watchmen movie will continue to grow in stature over the years, as new audiences discover, and come to revere it…and Matthew Goode depicted Veidt in the same overwhelmingly definitive manner that Gene Wilder nailed Willy Wonka, or Jack Nicholson embodied Jack Torrance.

If anyone needs to apologize for anything related to Watchmen, it’s the asshole who picked that soundtrack. Fucking Leonard Cohen and Simon & Garfunkel?!? Christ…

Having screwed around with multiple alternate tracks, i’ve found Depeche Mode’s Never Let Me Down Again works pretty brilliantly in place of Cohen’s Hallelujah, during the sex scene.

Man…I’ve got nothing to add to that. Those are the stunningly gorgeous opening credits to Gaspar Noe’s Enter the Void, which literally took breath from audiences at Sundance, last month.

While I’d consider Michael Haneke’s Funny Games (either version – the American remake was one of my favorite Sundance expereinces) the height of debauched art  (or artistic debauchery), Noe’s Irreversible is definitely close. Enter the Void appears to be something completely other, though, powered by celebratory/hallucinatory/mindfudging visuals. Also, it’s got Thomas Bangalter of Daft Punk (!!!) engineering the film’s sonic-scape as sound effects editor.

The movie will be screening again next month in Austin during SXSW 2010, March 12 – 21, in the Midnighters section. I will absolutely be bugging anyone and everyone i know who might be able to get me into one of those screenings (you’ve been warned.) Massive thanks to Austen Green, for the heads up on this.

And if you liked those titles, do consider tracking down M. dot Strange’s We Are the Strange, my other favorite Sundance screening. An 8 bit inspired movie incorporating multiple animation techniques, it’s available in its entirety on Youtube/Google Video/bittorrent…not everyone’s cup o’ tea, but i dug it immensely.